My Crush
នេះជារឿងខ្លីមួយដែល
ប្អូនប្រុសម្នាក់បានសរសេរមកកាន់ខ្ញុំវាជាសាច់រឿងពិតផ្ទាល់ ខ្លួនរបសើគាត់។ ទាំងនេះប្រៀបបានជាពិសោធន៏ស្នេហ៏
ដែលឆ្លុះបញ្ចាំង ពីក្តីយល់ច្រលំ នូវ ក្តីស្រលាញ់ ពិត ដែលត្រឹមជាមិត្ត។ សុំទោសផងណា Admin អត់បានបងប្រែអោយទេ ហើយក៏ មិនបាន បញ្ចេញ បញ្ចូលអីដែរ ។
បើមិត្តៗណា ចង់បង្ហាញ នឹងចែករំលែកនៅពិសោធន៏ស្នេហ៏ អាចសរសសេរ
ឬរៀបរាប់ មកកាន់ខ្ញុំផ្ទាល់បាន ធានាលាក់ការសំងាត់ មិនបញ្ចេញអត្តសញ្ញាណ បើសិនមានពេល និងគួរអោយចាប់អារម្ភខ្លាំង
ខ្ញុំ នឹងផលិតទៅជាខ្សែ រឿងប្រលោមលោក ខ្លីមួយតែម្តង អូខេមិនបាច់រៀបរាប់អីទេ តោះចូលទៅអានជាមួយគ្នាតែម្តងទៅ
My Crush
(Base
on the true story of my Fan Page)
My story was happened last 3 years
ago, when I was studied at 1st semester of year 2. I'm medical student even I'm
in university life but I still study extra course which taught by senior.
Medical lessons are so complicated to understand and take much time to study,
study with professor at university is not enough coz they teach so fast just
2hr they can finish in 2 or 3 lessons which are more than 50 slides of power
point and in French or English language.
Sometimes they try to finish all their lessons according to time provide by
university director ( less in time but more lessons) they sometime don't care
about students understand or not they just finish as the university tell. It's
not their faults but it's the university's fault. That why all student have to
find extra course to study as in high school life. We only study for technical
words in medical and some definitions or main point in lessons and translations
to easy to understand. We study extra course only 3 years, coz 3 years of that we could know a lot of things, we can
translate and understand most words , we have enough ability to research by
ourselves and we can't continue study
that in year 4th coz in year 4 we have to training at hospital so we don't have
time as before.
Anyway back to my story, I have group of friends as another
do the same, we all 8 students study in the same class in year 1, it's a great
moment of my life that have a lot of good fir like that. I never have much fri
before, in high school I have only 2 or 3 fri and our friendship's lifetime has
only 1 year, I always lose in touch with my fri coz of change school, change class and one more
reason is always hurt me " a very good friend become to a stranger without
any reason" that always happened to me, I feel like it's a curse of God
that make me not lucky to having fri ( being alone). But this time I think that
unlucky curse won't happen on me again. We keep in touch well but in year 2,
one my fir has move to another class by university's rule ( last name alphabet)
to study in another class but we still keep in touch well by study extra course
together. One day one person want to join our group, he was knick out of group
coz he hasn't any interest for them to take anymore. And that day was on my
friend birthday. He know us by my fri who study another class. We agree him to
get in and after that we decided to skipped
extra course for make my fri BD, he also invited too. At first time I
don't really like him coz he seem so strange. BD has been made at Mike Green
tea shop at 1st floor, 4 of my fri walk up stair before me and I walk before
him, another went to BD cake shop. While I walking up one my shoe was drop down
in front of him, I was so embarrassing why it happened like that it seems like
a kid that always drop shoe like that, I move back to pick it up but he take it
for me ( it likes in Cinderella scene, but I wear it by myself )
2nd semester has finished and year 3 was started but bad
thing has happened, (People's thinking are not like God's thinking). Some fri
in group start less in friendly to me and it seem like they don't care about me
they changed so much, I feel like I'm not good to be in group anymore and I
start not to join in some activities coz of upset. I think like maybe that
unlucky curse start to cover me again, it seems like bad magic spell that
always make me lose friends, I don't know why God did it to me. I lost
concentrate and wanna get out of that group coz some fri start criticize me and
blame me behind. I don't know, I didn't do wrong or maybe power of that
"curse". We all are not seem knowing each other as before, I was so
sad and I don't know who I can discuss with. Finally I find him and stat to
telling him about that problem( he study another class so he don't know some in
that problem) we talked on phone , he cheer me up and we start good
conversation on phone everyday and tell everything about me to him and he tell
back the same and we know that we have much point in the same way. Becoz I
thought too much and stressed, I started having gastritis ( in Khmer chheu
kropaes) I feel hurt so bad. When he knew that I got gastritis, he ask me if I
went to hospital yet, and always caring me coz he used to had that too and it
maybe caused by stress that why he always talked phone with me to make me feel
less in stress about my problems in our group. He always asked me about my
health if I got better and had I token medicine yet, eaten dinner yet what I
was doing, stopped thinking to much about those nonsenses. that all phrases
which he always ask me.
Even we just knew each other only 1 year but we knew
each other better than everyone our in group. And I started falling in love
with him by 3 reasons (1st: pick my shoes up for me when in first meet, 2nd:
cheer me up, and caring me while I have never had someone do that for me and
3rd: we mostly have the same opinion) but I worried to lose him if I told him I
decided to hided that feeling inside. One day, he posted status on FB said he
feel upset and don't wanna speaker to everyone
after I saw it I feel bad and chat to asked him what going on, first he
denied to tell me but I just told him not to keep it inside just let it out
finally he told me about his problem someone said bad on him, I cheer him up
and talked many ways to made him better and stop thinking about those words .
He thanked me and told me I'm a good fri for him, I replied in joking way that no need to thank bcoz I
don't have bae that why I just care of him but if I have bae I might not care
coz busy sweet with my bae. And if he had problem just told me I waiting for
help. He started laughing and I decided to ask him indirectly about his love,
if he was in love or not, he replied he just knew someone in FB for 3months but
he just break up , she so petty she studied accounting but she seem not good coz
sometimes she lie, not so honest. Sometime said to him just be friend sometime
said she also love him too. She always post status said she so sad she wanna
die and him encourage her as the way he did to me too but she still not so
listen to him and sometime made him scare by told him she wanna die and she was
standing middle of the road now. It's not the first time she did that, and he
start to lose feeling in her coz of her changeable feeling and mood like that.
I just told him again if he had any problem just tell me I waiting to help.
He's a good man he is so friendly and he start have a lot more friends. I start
jealous with his friends coz of their closeness action. He always post in FB
something related to them even his status
has a lot of their cmt. He
started being late reply my chat, he less in speak while we talking phone he
seem so busy not like before. I decided to tell him about my feeling, he's
laughing and said am I kidding him. I replied that it true not a joke I really
love him and what he think for that. He replied in joke that I should better pee all that thinking out.
But I told him back I won't, and I still love him, how can to move out all my
love as easy as pee, I can't. He asked me why I love him, I answer coz of the 3
reasons above. He start laughing again and told me that I was confused of his
actions, he always care and do the same things like that to everyone not only
me. And he told me while he was in high school his classmate also confuse his action like me too. She falling in love with him and think him also
has the same feeling as her too but he didn't love her, she told him about her
love but he denied it and told her that they should just be friend is better
but she didn't give up she do everything for him and still not forget to told
him that she love him. He always denied and start to talk less to her. She
still try to make him love her but she lose connect with him coz he move to
study university in pp and he stop to talk to her. It's so embarrassing for me
in my first love, it hurt the most. I just act like it okay and I asked him
again for very last time, will him love me or not? He answered "no, we
can't. Just be friend is better". My heart is frozen everything is slowly
die. I afraid of losing him like he did to his classmate, so I decide to lie
myself and said to him that I was kidding, that just a joke! My tears just drop
but I'm try to be ok. I tried to make situation back to normal, we continued
conversation and he told me he got some more news friends, they're really nice
to him even they just first meet. It's not strange for him to have a lot new
fri, coz he's friendly, kind and handsome ( slim, tall white skin). Day by day
everything was changed according to the time passing, he became rare join group
activities coz he stay with his another new fri, even me he also never
connected as before. It's about 2weeks that we lost connect, I wanted to chat
to him about I left group but I felt I might be bother him and if he free or
really think of me he will chat or call as usual but there still no answer from
him. I LINE to him, he seen but not reply, SMS also like that. This time I kno
I am not interesting for him anymore, I cried
again. I told myself that it hurts enough for being in one side loving
(unrequited love) and maybe I should stop by this time. One week after, I still
missed him but I didn't connect with him I wished I could cut him of my mind
but suddenly my phone ring it's him, I forgot all about what I just wish and
pick it up so fast, I didn't hear he asked about me like usual, he just need
some help from me he wanna buy something for his house, I agreed so fast, after
buying already I asked him why u choose me to help u. He said coz no one is
good in beat down the price like me, and most of them didn't know location in
pp as well. My heart's broken and exploded. I felt like I was jus his spare
wheel. I'm jealous of them. One month later, he asked me to help him again he
going to perform for university event , he need me to take him to haircut salon
and help take him back after he finished his performance. I asked him what
time, he replied he need me to took to hair salon at 4pm and go to university
after finish hair makeup , he performed first in 5:30pm and last one at 6:30
while close event at 8:30pm . He wish I could help and join this event. I
answered that "for help u to haircut just let me think coz it's near the
time I go to study French at evening and my teacher said it will be a test in
this week but my teacher not sure yet, and for join I can't coz my French class
finish in 6pm" (I didn't tell him that my mom won't allow to be late at
night it's my house rule, must be home around 7pm). He said it okey for haircut
he can go by himself but he want me to join this event he want to see all his
friends are present there while him on stage. "All his fri" is a word
remind me about I help him before and I just his spare wheel, it make me hurt
to hear it, I decided not to go and I close phone after I sorry him. If there
no me, event still perform as normal and it not a big trouble for him coz I'm
just one of his fri not a special like the way I keep him for myself. He is my
special person but for him I'm not. 1 min later he sms me "you have to take me to there and join".
It seem so selfish why he did that, I was really upset and a bit angry.
I make decisions while I was angry, I won't
go. (is not good to make decision while we in angry mood coz we didn't think so
long about the result at the end) 6 days after the event I met him while it was
break time for breakfast, I come to sorry him and want to tell him about my
house rule. First I said oh now you
act like you never kno me (you famous now) and I was stoped to speak more by he
reply back so fast while I'm not yet say sorry and tell about my mom rule. He said
he have nothing to say and he need to go to his class, he walk out so fast
without seeing my face. That is a regret moment for me for my big mistake. I
lose concentrate my chest was pain, I'm difficult in breathing like I going to
die. Why he didn't left a time for me to explain, why he's so changed like
that, I kno I'm wrong but why...why didn't even give me a chance, why he didn't
understand me even just a little bit? I walked with dizzy while my eyes were
blurred coz of tears, I went home early I skipped the next class. While I
riding home I cried from university till I got home and I make myself as normal
in front of my family coz I don't want them kno I'm in pain. I run fast up
stair to my room and start crying silently in my blanket. I'm act like normal
while they call me to eat lunch and dinner but when I back room I lock the door
and continue crying and there over a week of crying. 3day after that week, I
walked to class after I finished my breakfast suddenly we meet each other while
he's walking opposite me but it make me kno how much he hate me, he saw me, he
was so shock and turn back around so fast and walk out back like he did not
want to see me anymore. 2-3day after I
decided to chat him after I see our result of 1st semesters released that we
all pass.
I write normal congratulations to test him he stop angry me yet , but
anyway he never replied back. I kno everything is over. I crying every time I
see his post, his status. He never connect to me and I didn't connect coz of
afraid of ignoring. He always act like he did not see me when he see me, he
maybe really hate me. My heart is already die and I tell myself to stop trying
anymore this love is never happen, I'm the one who dirty why I want to make
another very good guy like him to get dirty too? Just dirty only myself is
enough being BLB is so dirty in this social people will criticize, and how about mom she's old
now and she should be more happy, if she kno I'm BLB, how can she accepted that
painful? I don't wanna dishonor my family I can hurt alone, I don't just be coz
of me make everyone suffers so much pain. I can cried overnight and every night
alone. I'm not brave enough, I'm sorry for everything I'm sorry myself for
can't be what I really am. I'm sorry for him, he still the only one I love and
can't forgot, I'm wrong I'm make a big mistake I'm sorry.....
អរគុណ ចំពោះការចំណាយពេលរបស់អ្នក ក៏អរគុណដល់ប្អូប្រុសម្ចាស់អត្ថបទផងដែរ
សំណាងណាល្អ
ណារ័ត្នឃូល
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